


Mama Mia Hair We Go Again

by disneydork



Series: Retail [2]
Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Retail, Bruni - Freeform, Cat Bruni - Freeform, Cat eating hair, Crack, F/F, It's bubbles' fault, Late Night Writing, crackfic, elsamaren
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:41:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26540830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/disneydork/pseuds/disneydork
Summary: "Brunimayhavesortakindatriedtoeatmyhaironenight.""Wait, what?"Takes place sometime afterEssential
Relationships: Elsa/Honeymaren (Disney)
Series: Retail [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1929961
Comments: 32
Kudos: 32





	Mama Mia Hair We Go Again

**Author's Note:**

  * For [holographicbubbles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/holographicbubbles/gifts).



> i blame Holographicbubbles for this as much as they blame me for their crackfic. Even though it's both of our faults.
> 
> This is what happens when SOMEONE starts sharing a story about how their cat used to eat their hair, which prompted a sparkly eyed Catra to describe how i imagined the cat's face, which prompted Bubbles' crackfic which led me to wonder about Cat Bruni in the Essential AU eating hair which made me start typing crack. This took about two hours to write and i was gonna post this after actually finishing the story but then i flipped a coin and it told me to post it tonight so here you go. This may or may not make sense and may or may not be something that remotely happens.
> 
> Ok, you know what? Let's just blame Sparkly Eyed Catra for this and call it a night.

"Looking at the pictures of Bruni again?"

Maren watched as Elsa's head jerked up from her phone and fell towards her. Maren stood in the doorway of the break room, leaning her shoulder against the entryway and holding the classic smirk on her face. The blonde was sitting in her usual spot, the chair in the break room at Oaken’s facing the door. It had only been a week since the two had seen each other, which meant a full week that they didn’t have their ritual.

No, their breaks purposefully coinciding with each other had long ended since the limited hours ceased to exist.

But it didn’t stop them from sneaking a few minutes in with each other on occasion, nor their get-togethers after clocking out to make up for it.

Elsa's hand lowered, her phone hovering just barely above the table. "What makes you say that?" 

Maren scoffed playfully, holding up her own phone. She turned it to face her and unlocked the screen before scrolling through her text messages, beginning to name off a few responses Elsa had sent to her while she was away.

_ "Please make sure he has enough food." _

_ "Are you sure he hasn't tried to grab his tail at all? He's been experimenting with that lately...." _

_ "Please tell me you didn't feed him a whole pack of cat treats" _

_ "Did you remember to vacuum up all the crumbs he didn't pick up?" _

_ “Please tell me you haven’t made a Bruni Voice.” _

Pause. 

Elsa blinked. 

Maren didn't waver. 

The pause continued.

"What's your point?"

Maren shook her head. She approached the table and took her usual seat across from Elsa. "I told you, nothing was gonna happen to Bruni under my watch. I'm fine. He's fine. He had food every night and constant nose-booping. The apartment only caught fire once…”

Elsa's eyes widened. "Wait, what??"

"Kidding! I'm kidding!" Maren gasped quickly.

The blonde let out a sigh of relief. "Please don't do that."

"I was just teasing," Maren promised.

"I know," she nodded. "Just..." She took a pause. Elsa pulled in her lips and her eyes darted towards the side. Maren tilted her head, watching her girlfriend curiously. What was going on in that pretty head of hers? 

"Just.... Please don't joke like that when it comes to Bruni."

Maren's face instantly softened. Of course Elsa knew Maren was prone to teasing and joking. Of course she knew she was only lightening the mood. But naturally, of course she was also going to be overprotective of Bruni. It took so much effort for her to actually ask Maren to watch him while she was away with Anna and Kristoff. Hell, even though Maren suggested it first, it still took nearly a month for Elsa to actually ask on her own. Why the hell should Maren expect Elsa to take something so lightly?

"You're right. I'm sorry," she apologized.

"It's ok. I know what you were trying to do," she nodded. 

There was another pause. Clearly neither of them desired such an awkward aura in the room. 

Elsa shook her head, opting to be the one to break the trance. "Are you sure he was no trouble at all? Everything was really alright? No issues? He was fine when you left for work every night? What about-"

“Elsa.”

Maren reached across the table, her hand resting at the edge of the blonde's phone. Even after they'd gotten together, Maren had been so careful about initiating physical contact with her. It was still a process and it was still trial and error, but it felt like for the most part they'd gotten into a good groove. Maren liked to think she had an idea of what Elsa was comfortable with and when she was. She seemed to prefer it when Maren kissed her hair instead of her cheek, for instance. But at the same time was absolutely fine with her kissing her hand. Not that Maren had a problem with it. Not by any means. Actual physical contact in general? Even in the most basic forms? Always a work in progress. Still, it never got past Maren how Elsa would feel immediately relaxed when Maren so much as implied she was reaching out.

“I was fine. He was fine,” the brunette promised.

Elsa let out a sigh of relief. "Ok. So...nothing out of the ordinary, huh? Licking his eyeball.... Tilting his head.... Walking into walls...."

“And trees,” Maren chuckled.

“Trees?” she raised an eyebrow.

"I had a leash. I was next to him the whole time. He just.... Had other ideas," she shrugged.

Elsa couldn't help but let out a faint giggle. "That's definitely Bruni."

Pause.

"There.... May have just been on thing, though...." Maren confessed hesitantly.

Another pause.

Elsa blinked.

An eyebrow slowly raised, along with lips tilted downward. She was clearly jumping to conclusions. "What's what...?"

“Please don’t freak out….” Maren started.

“Maren, that’s a terrible way to start a sentence!” Elsa gasped.

“Ok, ok, you’re right. I’m sorry….”

Another pause.

You’re totally gonna freak out anyway, she thought.

"You think I'm going to freak out anyway, don't you?" she deadpanned.

A long pause followed, along with wide unblinking eyes from Maren.

Elsa narrowed her gaze. She set her phone on the table and folded her arms.

“Maren.”

Brown eyes to the right.

A cleared throat.

Eyes to the left.

Pursed lips.

Maren attempted to avoid eye contact with the blonde.

“Maren.”

Maren’s fingers nervously tapped in her lap.

“Don’t make me.”

Maren pulled her lips in.

Another cleared throat.

Please don’t go there….

“Honeymaren.”

Fuck she went there.

Maren groaned.

"Brunimayhavesortakindatriedtoeatmyhaironenight."

Pause.

“Wait, what?”

That was not the exact response Maren was expecting. It was more confused than shocked. She was unsure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Elsa quickly shook her head. "Ok, I'm going to need you to repeat that."

Maren opened her mouth to speak but Elsa quickly cut her off. 

"Slowly," she emphasized.

Maren sighed. “Ok…”

"You know how you said if there was ever a night I had to stay with Bruni? In case the weather was bad or something? No questions asked, just put everything right where I found it?" she started. 

"And...?" she raised an eyebrow. 

"I mean; I did...." Maren confessed. "Mostly..."

“I figured when I saw the placement of the pillows,” Elsa commented.

Her eyes widened. "I thought I put them back exactly as I found them!" 

"They were just a little crooked." 

"How did you...?" 

"Art major."

"Ok but...."

"I'm trained to notice."

"But how straight...?"

"Trained."

"But...."

"And years of practice."

  
  


Well, she wasn’t wrong on any of those parts.

  
  


Actually Maren should probably shut the hell up about those damn pillows.

  
  


"Ok.... Whatever," Maren shook her head. "Anyway, there was a really bad thunderstorm one night. And I definitely could've handled driving home in it. I mean, I took road trips with Ryder. I drove in New York and Florida and.... Well, the drivers there all suck."

"Also in New Jersey, but that's because they don't know how to make left turns because they're illegal," Elsa commented.

"Ok, are you gonna be a-know-it-all or are you gonna let me tell the story?" Maren countered.

Elsa pouted.

Maren shook her head. "Anyway, I knew you were never gonna let me hear the end of it if you tried. Because, and I'm just taking a shot here, knowing you, you'd probably be monitoring everything possible you could while you were away wondering how Bruni was doing even if it was something completely outta your control like the weather and you'd wanna make sure he's ok no matter what even though he totally would be."

Elsa pursed her lips and averted her gaze. "What's your point?" she mumbled. 

It took a lot of effort for Maren to hold back a chuckle. But, in her defense, it wasn't Elsa's fault she made it so damn easy. Anyone could see her blush from twenty miles away.

Her pale skin made it all too easy.

"I figured it was best to stick around. Just in case," Maren responded quickly.

She took a moment to mentally congratulate herself on the save.

"I really didn't wanna use your room.... I was gonna take the couch. But Bruni was just so excited he was wagging his tail and tapping his paws like he was doing a little dance...."

That brought a small smile to Elsa's face. Maren knew that would work. Never mind that Bruni had actually been so fricking adorable when he did that. He even had his tongue sticking out to the side and everything. He was a more lovable ham than Ryder was.

She wondered if Bruni always did that before bed or if it was just when he had company. It really was the purest, sweetest thing.

But admitting that out loud would be  _ way _ too sappy.

"I followed him to your room. If that's where he wanted, I figured that's probably where I should go. And I promise, I really did try to not move too much stuff around."

That earned a doubtful look from Elsa.

"So I went to bed and fell asleep but then in the middle of the night..." she started to continue.

“How was it?” Elsa softly interrupted.

“Hm?”

“What?”

“How was what?”

“Oh…. Um….”

Pause.

Another wild blush.

“Th…. The bed.”

Another pause.

“Just….”

Pause again.

“Was…. Was it…. Comfortable?”

Maren was unsure in that moment who was more nervous - her or Elsa. Of course the red drowning Elsa's face would indicate that it was her. She was the one asking, after all. And it was probably the first time in who knows how long she'd had someone in her home outside of her family. But Maren was the one who had been invited there. She was the one who invaded Elsa's space, even if it was to take care of Bruni for a week. And of course she had no problem with it.... She did mention she said yes in a heartbeat, right? And that she was the one who initially offered?

But that was when Maren realized.

She spent the night in Elsa's bed.

She slept in Elsa's bed.

Not with Elsa, of course. She prevented her mind from going anywhere outside of that. 

But still.... It was.... Different. It was a hell of a lot more.... It felt wrong to say intimate; even though in a way it was. But that was Elsa's space for her and only her. And Maren had taken it over. She....

She loved it.

Not that she could admit that out loud to Elsa.

But she loved how soft the bed was.

She loved how the periwinkle of the blankets...yes she knew what periwinkle was, she wasn’t an uncultured swine...but that wasn’t the point...she loved how they complimented the light blue walls perfectly.

She loved how the pillows had wintery designs on them, almost as if she were falling asleep in a pile of soft, warm snow.

She loved that the room smelled like lavender. She had no idea why or how that was possible, but that was the scent.

She loved how it just felt so….

Almost like….

Was it a stretch to feel like she belonged there?

Like, even if it was in the most innocent capacity, she could imagine herself spending more nights there?

No, not even more nights?

Just….

More time?

More than the sporadic few hours they'd had after late night shifts and the very rare instances they both happened to have a night off, of course.

But that was besides the point.

She really should answer, shouldn’t she?

Say something, Maren thought. Warm.... Yes.... Comfortable.... SOMETHING!

“Nice,” she squeaked.

Fuck.

Really?

That was  _ all _ her idiotic brain could think of?

How the hell was Elsa even putting up with her?

Could someone please drop an anvil on her head like one of those old cartoons?

She’d even take a giant boulder for fuck’s sake.

“Good.”

Elsa’s soft voice broke the silence.

Good…?

Was….

Was that good…?

Or did she actually mean good as in….

Just good?

Seriously, giant rock?

No?

Dammit.

Maren cleared her throat loudly.

"S.... So.... Um.... Mi...middle of the night...." She attempted to continue.

Another clearing. "I, I mean I think I'm usually a pretty heavy sleeper. When...well, when you spend most of your life sleeping on the other side of a thin wall with someone who snores like a warthog.... You, you kinda get used to it. Sometimes...well, sometimes I do wake up in the middle of the night but...." She shook her head. Ok, Maren was really getting off track! "I had this really weird dream that something was.... I don't know, eating me or something."

Elsa blinked. "Eating you...?" she repeated curiously.

"Not like, I was swimming in cereal and someone was trying to eat me with their Reese's Puffs. Or like I was being chased by a man-eating shark or something...." Maren clarified, "just like....something was tasting me. And it made no sense. I don't even remember what I was doing. Just that something was tasting me."

“Did you have anything to drink?” Elsa asked.

“Are you implying you actually keep drinks in your apartment?”

“No…”

“Elsa.”

“Somewhere.”

“Seriously?”

"Just a few hard lemonades. Nothing drastic." The blonde scoffed and shook her head. "I thought you were the one telling the story."

"Well I was but now I'm  _ definitely _ interested in your drinking habits," the brunette teased.

"We established ages ago I have no drinking problems. No gambling problems. No cursing problems," Elsa countered. "You, on the other hand, definitely have an attention span problem."

“Ok now you’re just attacking me,” Maren pouted.

"Tell me nothing happened to Bruni and maybe I'll have no reason to attack you," she folded her arms.

"Elsa I promised you can trust me with him," Maren said. "He just...."

"Just what...?" she twisted her lip to the side.

How the hell should Maren even begin to explain it?

“Has Bruni…?”

“Yes…?”

“Ever…?”

“Maren.”

"Triedtoeatyourhairbefore?"

Elsa blinked.

“I’m sorry, what?”

"That's when I woke up and I realized why I was dreaming that," Maren answered. "I turned and.... Saw him kinda nibbling on the edges of my hair."

A lull followed.

Elsa sat across from Maren, frozen in her place.

Maren attempted to keep a straight look.

Despite the fact that she had none.

But she was trying.

She didn't want Elsa to see that she was concerned on some level.

Bruni was fine.

Did she mention that?

He was totally, completely, undeniably fine.

Well, for Bruni anyway.

But somehow she wasn't getting that same feeling from Elsa.

‘Elsa…?”

Maren kept her tone light and cautious. She really had no idea what to expect from her. Come on, Elsa, she thought, say something. Do something. Just....  _ Something. _ Please.

Suddenly, Elsa pushed herself up out of her chair. It flew behind her, sliding across the tiled floor and slamming against the wall. She leaned forward on the table, hands flat against the dirtied surface and blue eyes looking as if they were going to pop out of her head.

The next thing Maren knew, one question after another flew out of Elsa's mouth.

“Oh my god is he ok??”

“Did he eat something?”

“Was the food expired?”

“Was he not feeling well?”

“Has he done it again?”

“Was there anything else out of the ordinary?”

“What else did he do?”

“Did he try to lick his eye after that?”

“Or his nose?”

"Oh shit has he even  _ tried _ to lick his nose again?"

“Elsa!” Maren gasped.

She flung herself out of her seat, not wasting any time before dashing around to the other side of the table. She placed her hands on Elsa's shoulders, turning the blonde to face her. She didn't look so much like she was going to have a panic attack - at least, Maren didn't think she was - as much as she was overreacting.

No, that was wrong.

This wasn’t overreacting.

This was Elsa being Elsa.

It was the first time she left Bruni alone for an extended period of time...hell for more than one fucking day...and she trusted Maren to watch him. Maren of all people!

Ok, not that there were many others Elsa could have asked in the first place.

But it still meant something that she trusted Maren.

She let her into her life...into her home...to spend time alone with Bruni, her precious little fur baby.

This wasn’t just a big deal.

It was a  _ huge _ fucking deal.

"Elsa.... Elsa, breathe," Maren encouraged softly. She could feel the blonde shaking under her hold. Maren tried her best not to keep it too tight, as worried as she was for her girlfriend. But she still had to remember that this was Elsa. The instances in which she let Maren fully initiate the contact with her were a select few. And when they happened, they were major. It wasn't something Maren took lightly. For all she knew, the trembling could have been because Maren just reacted. But that's what she did, wasn't it? She just jumped right in. But could that also be a good thing at all...? Because it showed just how quickly she'd react for Elsa...?

"Breathe," she whispered gently. Slowly but surely she felt Elsa's body relax. She felt her shoulders move up and down in the faintest motions as she let herself breathe in and out. Maren attempted to mimic the motions, though she was still pretty terrible at it. She really had no clue what she was talking about half the time. But she did know Elsa. And she knew that every time her thumbs caressed her, it put her more at ease. That motion was one Maren could easily repeat and would gladly do so a thousand times over.

She allowed Elsa a few moments to gather herself. Elsa closed her eyes, continuing her breathing patterns, as Maren slid her fingers up and down the edges of her girlfriend's shoulders. Watching Elsa become more at peace brought an ease to Maren. Maybe it was also a sense of pride, knowing that she was able to do that. Because she was one of the select few so fortunate enough to be let in by Elsa. She could never get over what an honor that was.

A small smile crept onto Maren's face. "He's fine," she promised softly. "He just laid there and stared up at me with a chunk of my hair in his mouth. Looking at me with those damn eyes of yours. He's fine. Our fur baby's fine."

Almost as soon as that last sentence left Maren's mouth, Elsa's eyes shot open. Maren tilted her head, a blank look splashed across her face.

That was.... Sudden.

It was because she mentioned the eyes, wasn’t it?

Just like the first comment she made about Bruni.

How he and Elsa had the same eyes.

How off guard Elsa had been caught by it.

Of crap she did it again didn’t she?

She opened her mouth to speak, ready to spit out an apology faster than Snow when she needed an override for alcohol. But Elsa beat her to it. And even then, her damn velvety voice was just so light it must have floated on thin air.

"Our fur baby...?"

Wait....

That was what Maren said?

Wait....

Maren said  _ that _ ?

She....

She called Bruni.... 

Theirs?

  
  


"I.... I...." 

Wow. Real intellectual, Maren, she thought sarcastically. Could she say anything more than one damn syllable? Hell, could she say more than the same damn letter? 

"I...." 

Hard no.

  
  


Now it was Maren's turn to drown in red. Even if it wasn't as obvious, Maren could still feel the color consuming her face. How the hell did Elsa put up with this feeling so damn much? God that woman really was an angel.

"I...."

SERIOUSLY MAREN?

"I...."

Yet still no giant rock.

Figured.

What she was given instead was perhaps one of the greatest gifts she could imagine.

In fact, it was without a doubt one of her most favorite because the select occasions were absolutely a treasure. 

A kiss from Elsa. 

It was pure and light. 

And, like most of the other instances, it happened in the blink of an eye. 

But it didn't matter how fast, simple, or faint it was. 

It happened. 

It came from Elsa. 

And it melted Maren's heart in the best possible way every damn time.

Just when Maren didn’t think she could feel like a bigger puddle, Elsa leaned forward and rested her head on Maren’s shoulder. She let the brunette loosely wrap her arms around her. And, against Maren’s chest, she could feel Elsa breathing calmly.

She was sure they had shared a few moments in which Elsa looked so peaceful. No fear. No anxiety. No questions. Just…. Acceptance. But this was the first time Maren could think of where it actually looked like….

Like Elsa was home.

Like Maren was  _ her _ home.

Slowly but surely Maren’s blush faded and she tilted her head so it was resting on top of Elsa’s. Her arms secured themselves further around Elsa and there was no retraction or hesitation from the blonde. It was one of those moments where she just knew.

How far she’d come from the woman who was once revered as the Snow Queen.

And maybe she still was.

But that was her title; it always would be.

Even if she didn’t seem totally cold when Maren first met her, she was still so closed off.

But now?

It was almost like being around Maren was second nature to her.

And Maren got to call this woman her girlfriend.

God what did she do to deserve this?

Maybe it was the time they inadvertently adopted Snow as their sister.

Maybe it was the time they spent getting to know each other.

Maybe it was how close they’d gotten and how much stronger their feelings became in the process.

Hell, for all Maren knew, Bruni was playing his part this past week to make it fully possible.

But whatever the reason, as freaked out as she’d initially been at the cat’s action, she couldn’t be happier he’d done that.

If it was Bruni’s way of telling Maren he liked her; that he was comfortable around her; he could eat her hair all he wanted.

“Yeah…. Our fur baby.”


End file.
